Merry Christmas to you all!

[Bryce Shirley & Marilyn Shirley]

Christmas 2008Hi. My name is Harold Meatloaf Shirley, honored family dog—Harry to you, friends (and to Tom and Dick.)Family is a big topic this time of year, and my adopted family has asked me to write a bit on the subject for this year’s Christmas letter. I have lost touch with my bio-family. It is an understatement to say that I’m quite fond of my uber cool adopted family, but I would like to say a few words about my bio fam.My bio-dad was a red-hot chili pepper poodle with severe ADHD. My bio-mom was a lovely vanilla-colored cocker spaniel who loved me with all her heart. She licked me every day and taught me the way of the spaniel. She probably would have exposed me to poodle culture, but really didn’t know my dad that well. She was quite a lady and was probably the only one who could have even tolerated my dad who was really a tramp. Kind of a fairy tale when you think about it.I’ve been honing my begging recently. Been a serious beggar all my life. I’m always the guy under the table. I crave all kinds of meat, and cookies and ice cream are always appreciated. (I’m just telling you that in case you visit and want to bring a little something.) Felix, our cat, teases me about being a plus-size dog, but why would I trust the opinion of a dirty hairball.Felix is a beast, constantly dragging in mice and birds for dinner. He actually stores them in the dining room which, when I think about it, makes sense. But it’s not like he lights the candles or anything. He’s so dumb! Why would anyone spend a nano second hunting down food when a Fancy Feast is only a can away? I would kill for one bite of his food, but, no—They fill my bowl with cardboard kibbles, which I only resort to when the cupboard is bare, the fam isn’t there or they forget to throw the poor dog a bone. But the idiot cat, Sir Nibs, often turns up his nose at a delectable, moist, mind-numbing can of Captain Hook’s Seafood Buffet and goes off and licks himself. Dude! Have you ever licked your hand, rubbed behind your ear and called it a bath? Filthy animal. Cats lick themselves and actually think they’re clean, while a dog spends hours at the groomers, bathing and getting a shave. I even own my own toothbrush and have pork-flavored toothpaste. Not so the cat. Ever tried to brush a cat’s teeth or give him a bath? Neither has anyone else. So who would you rather kiss, me or the cat? Nuf said.I belong to AARF. I get a monthly scratch and sniff magazine. My favorite books are Hamlet and The Big Softy Dog. My favorite Christmas carol is “Hark the Harold Angels Sing.” The cat’s favorite is “Felix Navidad.” My favorite movie is “Babe,” which is about a pig who emulates a dog so well that he is most highly revered and rewarded. I’ve gotta say, though, The Dog Whisperer has got to speak up. He thinks he’s so clever. Whisper to Cujo instead of Goofy, dude, and I might be impressed. I love Snoopy, a uniquely sensitive, bright and thoughtful example of God’s creatures. “Animal Planet” really says it all, though. Oh, except for my final, final, all time favorite, “All Dogs Go to Heaven.” Again, nuf said.I have been with my adopted family for almost 13 years and can truly say they know the way to my heart—yea, through my stomach. But I think our relationship has proven wrong the old saying that a dog is man’s best friend. We are fam-i-ly.We’ve been living in hi-def this year. Had to get a new dictionary just to get up to speed. Really went for broke, broke being the key word. My dad said he got his clock cleaned on Wall Street. It sounded like Wall Street did such a good job that I’m going to take my clock there too. Dad is thinking of hanging out his own shingle very soon. I offered him space in my dog house. He bunks in with me now and then anyway. Give him a holler. My mom continues to advise creatures great and small including Dad and me. Give her a holler too, if you dare.Bobby still works at the University he graduated from. He says he’s going to do that until they pay all his tuition back plus Jimmy’s because he went there too. He’s very playful, irreverent and funny, a maverick, if you will excuse the term. He never, never fails to have plans, but if he doesn’t, he makes some. Jimmy is half way through law school at the University of San Diego where he has learned to play golf. He also invented indoor golf (not mini-golf) using a sand wedge. He dog-legs the course around breakables. The fam played nine holes at Thanksgiving. Jimmy is expanding it to 18 at Christmas. I sniff the course. He is absolutely, unshakably determined and makes fun where there is no fun. He lives with our loyal broski, Donovan, who loves me too. Emma went to Italy and France for two weeks last summer with her school. She got permission from Mom and Dad when they were drunk. I missed her and hope she doesn’t do it again. Home is where the dog is. She is a senior in high school. She has some friends but she only does things with them that I can’t do. Otherwise she would pick me. She is an animal lover, a true angel. She loves the whole fam--but me best.Do hope your stockings are filled with bones and everything bright. Hope Wall Street fixes your clock this year if it cleaned it last. Hope your innards are filled with joy and peace and bacon strips. My family and I wish you peace, love and laughter. Felix just says, “Get fuzzy.”Love and Merry ChristmasHarry

[Dan Haas]

I had a "Harry;" her name was Toots. God, I miss her. She was the best. Besides missing all the other things she did, I also now have to write my own Christmas letters!

[David Bailey]

I absolutely love that!