Maybe it really IS me...

[Chere Poole]

"It's not you, it's me."Why do we say that? Most of us have made that statment in an effort to spare someone else's feelings in an awkward situation, when in our hearts we believe just the opposite. But...do we ever stop and ask ourselves if maybe, just maybe, it's really true?The argument that should never have started, the reason a project isn't going smoothly, the friendship that is suddenly strained, the floundering relationship. We find any number of ways to justify placing blame elsewhere, convinced we've done our best to make the discussion, project or relationship a success, therefore its failure must be laid at the feet of the other person or persons involved. It's uncomfortable to think the fault may actually lie with us.I believe the capacity for self-reflection is a wonderful God-given ability that can spur us toward self-improvement, and stoke the fire of desire to improve not just ourselves, but the lives of those around us by becoming better, more giving (and forgiving) individuals. God created man in his own image, and God is love. God is light, and in Him there is no darkness at all. As His children we have the same light within us, the same capacity to love and forgive, whether it is another who needs forgiveness, or ourselves we must forgive.Animals don't contemplate their actions and the effect they have on other animals. They don't ponder how they can be better siblings, children, parents, mates or members of their society. The squirrel has no conscience that nags him at night as he curls up to sleep amdist nuts he may have filched from another squirrel's stash. To mankind alone was the gift of conscience given. God knew what He was doing when He put us together. Psalm 139:14 says "I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvellous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well."Conscience and introspection--contemplation of one's own thoughts, desires and conduct--are valuable tools when undertaking the task of self-improvement. When we think about what we are thinking about (as mentioned in an earlier post) and get honest with ourselves, taking stock of our thoughts, desires and conduct, it can be an illuminating experience. It can be the beginning of change for the better. It can be the first step toward growth.David says in Psalm 94:19 "In the multitude of my thoughts within me, thy comforts delight my soul". His thoughts at this time were anxious ones, but God's comforts were delightful to his soul. Perhaps you are also troubled by anxious thoughts. Perhaps you are wondering if you have been upset with someone over some perceived wrong, when at least some of the blame could be laid at your own feet. Perhaps you are contemplating areas of your life that need improvement, but you don't have a clue where or how to start. Perhaps the thought of self-improvement seems overwhelming.Take comfort in the knowledge that you have the ability to change. It starts with a decision, with the acknowledgement that sometimes "It's not you, it's me" is, in fact, the truth. Free will may be the greatest gift ever given to man by God. You can do whatever you choose to do, change whatever you choose to change, and achieve whatever you believe to achieve.Phil. 4:13 Amplified Version: I have strength for all things in Christ who empowers me [I am ready for anything and equal to anything through Him Who infuses inner strength into me; I am self-sufficient in Christ's sufficiency].So take heart my friend, and be comforted even if you suddenly see "Oh, my gosh...it IS me!" It's never too late to change, to start over, to repair a breach, heal a hurt, or forgive. Even yourself. It starts with a free will decision. One day at a time.'We never know how high we are, Till we are called to rise; And then, if we are true to plan, Our statures touch the skies." -- Emily DickinsonGod bless you ~ cpwritergirl

[Kevin Nye]

Oh yeah, "Shotgun Shannon" is quite a gal! Been married to her for 27 years now. It's amazing she's kept me around for so long!

[Chere Poole]

It's prounounced "Sherry" like the sweet wine, and thanks for asking! I agree w/Gale, speaking from experience. A good friend of mine recently told me that we would all worry much less about what people think of us if we realized how little they actually do. Smart man. And may I say it sounds as if you married a very smart lady.

[Kevin Nye]

First of all Chere, that was written most excellently! I love to read well written thoughts, with the punctuation right on, grammar, etc. So,nicely done!

And, well, I have many times said; "Oh well, it' me, not you". And almost always, I mean it when I have recognized an error on my part. I think that when I say it just to avoid any unpleasant conversation or confrontation, it's because I know already that the individual wouldn't receive it anyway because their mind is made up already, so, why bother? Let them have their "victory" or whatever. No sweat off me. I will take a person to task if the incident is unfolding and they are being dishonest and hurtful to someone, even if they do not recognize their part in it.

Now, your little analogy of the squirrel was most interesting. My wife and I have often thought about how some people, like your squirrel, who have done something to hurt us in some way, don't even think about what they had done and just keep on cruising along, oblivious to the impact they'd had on us. One time, a limb leader humiliated me publicly, and even began to convince me that I had some major problems. It even drove a short lived wedge between my wife and I. But then I prayed to God and analyzed things better and decided; "No friggin way. I do not accept that and am not what he said I was". And, I acted accordingly because it was not me, it was him regardless of his "ordained-ness". My wife saw through it all after I laid it out to her. But, here's how I continued to get screwed by this guy for at least a couple of years after the incident. At times, I would re-iterate that particular injustice in graphic detail, and get pissed off all over again! My wife, smarter than me on this one finally said; "Ya know Kev, you just have to forgive him and fuggedaboudit". "Does it occur to you", she continued, "that that guy has moved on, never apologized, and has no idea that you are still hacked off about it? He's probably sleeping snugly at night and has no inkling that he "filched your peace of mind", and hell it's been two years"! But she didn't say "filched", she said "stole", but I like the way you put it Chere.

And I said; "Ya know honey? You are absolutely right. And we prayed together and I forgave him, even though he doesn't know it. It's something. Even though initially it was "him", I let the problem become mine after all.

Gale Budlong of the 7th Corps put it very nicely while we were in the midst of a huge "flame war brouhaha" about Forgiveness on another internet forum. She said-and I paraphrase-that forgiveness is many times more important for the forgive-er, than it is for the forgive-ee".

Nice blog Chere. And hey, how do you pronounce your name? Is it like "Sherry, Cherry, "Share", or Cher-ay? Just curious...