Cat's in the Cradle

[Joe Kriston]

First of all, I should say, that I'm not really a cat person...I neither love cats nor detest them; they touch my being about as much as Dutch food does...Somehow, through no fault of my own and via circumstances I have never been able to recollect, I became the owner of a jet black cat that was dubbed "Sketchy" before her ever having set foot in my house...It seems that a couple of years ago, while minding my own business, I somehow ended up, either through one of the kids moving away, or a nephew or maybe some humane neighbor, with a litter box, a cat water bowl and food dish, a bag of Meow Mix and some verbal instructions on how to care for Sketchy, and of course,... Sketchy...Sketchy and I get along rather well, really...Sometimes we play little games or have little contests, like who can ignore the other the longest...Usually, I win, and when she's had enough of being ignored, she'll jump onto my lap, or on top of the computer keyboard or the newspaper and purr around for awhile---demanding my full attention...I'll accomodate her for awhile, until she starts rubbing her nose somewhere on me...I don't know why she has such a wet nose, and it's probably just some harmless cat juice on the end of it, but it still feels like snot to me and I really don't care to have it anywhere on my skin...So, I'll shoo her away, she'll turn and look at me like if she could, she'd give me the finger,and we'll both go back to whatever it was we were doing, which included ignoring eachother...Sunday night, while I was relaxing with the newspaper crossword in my lap and the baseball game of the week on the telly, there was a knock on the front door...I opened the door to a clean-cut looking young man who said he just wanted to let me know that his wife was in my garage rescuing her cat that ran away the day before...I said 'fine' and went to the garage to help out...When I got there, the wife was trying to crawl under my car and he asked me if I would close the garage door so her cat wouldn't get away...When I went over and pressed the button, the door went down about a foot, then stopped, and the wife yelled "she's getting away!", and flash!, I saw Sketchy go darting past her...I cleared my throat and said something like " umm, I ahh, like, err, I, I think that's MY cat"...The wife, nearing tears, gave me a look that said 'You don't own a cat! You probably steal all your neighbor's cats and feed them to your pet boa constrictor!'....Then she said, "I know that's my cat...I've had her for 11 years,...since I was little...She has seizures!...She's an epileptic...So now what?...Two minutes ago, life was good, baseball was on the tube and I was solving one of life's great mysteries, or at least the Sunday New York Times crossword puzzle, and now here I am facing this near hysterical young woman who wants to take my cat away from me...Do I now play King Soloman, and propose that we cut Sketchy in half so we both can have her?..I thought it best that she clear up any doubt whether Sketchy was in fact her cat or not...I pointed out Sketchy's crooked tail, which was broken when she was a kitten after somebody shut the door on it...That didn't convince the young woman...She looked at sketchy's ears and her belly and said " I know that's my cat"...Now, I'm feeling pretty dumb because I don't even know my own cat...But then again, who really studies all the features of their cat, and can describe them---especially a black cat?...I made a joking reference to the 'Meet the Parents" movie and Ben Stiller painting Robert DiNiro's cat...The woman decided to call her mother, who lived down the street and whose house her cat ran away from, to help her identify her cat...Then I start thinking, wait a minute---this girl is pretty dumb---after printing 'lost cat' flyers and having a cat for 11 years she still thinks the wrong cat is her cat?...Shortly, mom and dad pull up, confer with daughter and son-in-law while I'm standing at my front door wondering how I went from enjoying a carefree baseball game to feeling so defensive...Meantime, Sketchy is now relaxing on my living room floor like she owns the place, and since mom seems the most knowledgeable about the lost cat, I invite her in to examine Sketchy to clarify if in fact, my cat is the one that ran away from her house...The mother looked at Sketchy for less than a minute and determined that her daughter's cat was much bigger---but the resemblance was remarkable...Of course, I'm thinking all cats look alike, but I imagine Sketchy probably also gave the mother a look that said "I'm not going anywhere with you people----I'm staying right here"...They got back in their cars and left, apologizing for inconveniencing me and thanking me for my cooperation....I almost apologized to the young woman for owning a black cat and falsely getting her hopes up...And now Sketchy is getting bored with ignoring me and me ignoring her while I write this boring story, and is wanting attention, so here she is hopping up on my keyboard in front of my computer screen,blocking my view and ......jkfuiowyrw74h474gr647eh39d^^&F*7789*&taq2367F5r590()jhUI(9*)((*(*&G*^ff788p7p.....Meeeeoooowwww

[Sally Powell]

Loved the story very funny !

[crae akerson]

I woke up last night and Denis one of our cats was sleeping in between me and John - very sweet - very peaceful. Lucky who is the baby of the bunch does what your cat does Hope so we kick him out. As a matter of fact Lucky goes from room to room getting kicked out at night. I am of Dutch descent but I have never been to "Holland. What is so bad about Dutch food? Just curious

[lois gueli]

Hope, we don't allow the cats in our room at night when we sleep. I don't mind the roaming but Tommy won't put up with it. Of course, the dog sleeps in our room and is always invited to join us on the bed. And I'm a good citizen so of course I pick up my doggie's poop.

[Joe Kriston]

Aww, c'mon Auntie Ei...Like you've never been in denial about anything?...Just smart enough to not write about it on a blog....Maybe when I get to be YOUR age...:)

Glad you got a good laugh, Denise...

[Ronold F. Wallace]

John here down under in the metro area people walk their dogs. Everyone carrys around a plastic bag to pick up the doggie prezzies. You should see the look on the dogs when the humans are picking it up. Others I have seen walk their dogs and let do their pets do it on someone elses lawn. Yuck. At least it aint their yard hey.

[Ronold F. Wallace]

So the saga continues with sketchy. That darn cat!!!

[Eileen Davies]

"First of all, I should say, that I'm not really a cat person...I neither love cats nor detest them; they touch my being about as much as Dutch food does"

really joey ?

[Denise Pearson]

"Some grungy, sleazebag of a neighborhood tomcat was courting her ..." This latest installment of Sketchy's adventures is HILARIOUS! Joe you are a true wordsmith :) Thanks for a great laugh this afternoon!

[Joe Kriston]

Sketchy is sitting on my lap as I type this, so I gotta be careful of what I say...I guess I'm lucky enough to have a cat that does her duty somewhere in the yard, or the alley or a neighbor's yard---never really checked it out-- but then again, I probably don't want to know where she does her thing...But I do like having a litter-box free house....

I remember when Sketchy was just reaching the flower of her age and kept scratching at the garage door so she could go hang out in the front yard...Then I realized why...Some grungy, sleazebag of a neighborhood tomcat was courting her...When I saw him laying on the grass next to her, acting like he was all interested in her feelings and raising a family, when I knew damn well he was just waiting for the right moment when she was most vulnerable so he could make his booty call and then be outa there quicker than a bum in a French restaurant, I chased the slobbering, horny bastard off my property for his evil intentions of trying to violate my young Sketchy...Then I went and got her fixed...And I'm not sure which cat hated me more that day....

[crae akerson]

Where do you live? I have never heard of a lease law for cats. I hate the smell of litter boxes. I have and incredible acute sense of smell and I can smell a litter box as soon as I walk into a house. Anyway I guess it's all just opinions. The vet told me the other day that he had never seen such healthy cats. I guess they're happy fellows.