Can you relate?

[Joe & Carol Ricciardi]

The word relationship implies that there are at least two entities involved.

In Mathematics these involve two or more variables that we call numbers.

In Science, the application of Mathematics, these variables describe physical phenomenon like the inverse relationship between pressure and volume as discussed in Boyle’s Law.

In these two disciplines, relationships are somewhat fixed and distinct and therefore predictable with some degree of accuracy. Of course as one ventures farther into the physical world, i.e. the micro as well as the macro level, we find relationships between physical phenomenon that increases in both complexity and, to our finite human understanding, appears to be somewhat less fixed and distinct and therefore less predictable.

Of course this unpredictability is well known to the aficionado of the humanities and social sciences where one is almost surprised, at times to find any possibility of predicting anything with any degree of reliability anywhere near to approaching the exactness of a scientific or mathematical discipline.

Why is this? Well, the answer is quite obvious of course: humans. Homo Sapiens. We have met the friend and the foe and it is us.

Why is it that human beings are so unpredictable? Well some would argue that we are unpredictable. And certainly the social sciences try valiantly to predict using complicated formulas and analyses what outcomes to expect in a given situation.

But the fly in the ointment of all these theories, for the pure scientist, seems to be the potential irrationality of the subject matter, i.e. human beings. At any given point in time, although it would be completely irrational to do so, we will make decisions that overthrow all attempts to categorize and codify human behavior.

For some this irrationality lies in what we call the emotional state of man arguing that man is a dynamic, albeit somewhat unstable, mix between the emotional and the rational.

The emotional seat of man is usually associated with the belly or the gut is can be described by the word “feeling”. The seat of rationality (although some would argue that this is a purely theoretical construct) is usually associated with the brain or mind of man.

Furthermore some thinkers and social scientists, especially in the fields of human behavior and psychology, have gone so far as to associate these two seemingly poles of humanity, rationality and emotion, as being more closely associated with either the masculine or feminine gender. This is such a historical, cultural phenomenon in both Eastern and Western Civilization that I hardly need to tell you any of you which is considered the more masculine trait and which is considered the more feminine one, do I? All value judgments aside for the time being, that’s an interesting fact wouldn’t you say?

But whether the irrationality of human relationships can be traced to the balance (or lack thereof as the case may be) between the rational, thinking side of man and the emotional, feeling side of man, I cannot say. Perhaps passions would be a better indicator of behavior and I’m not clear that passions are always derived from either one or the other: feelings or thoughts.

And there’s that word decision. Decisions are so often in our daily discourse associated with the rational or thinking mind. But how many gut-level decisions are made? Marketers and sales professionals tell us that most of us are influenced strongly by our emotions when making buying decisions.

So wherever decisions are made (in the heart perhaps?), it seems that they can and are influenced by one or both of the classical understanding of human motivators: rationality and emotion.

Perhaps this is why human behavior is less predictable than other observable phenomenon in the physical world like the motion of planets, or the growth of a plant or the effect of gravity on the trajectory of a ball hurtling through the air: we can make choices. Some say that this makes us a free will agent and in some sense, the distinction between the animal species and the human species (Darwin be damned), lies in this very area of free will. Again, I am limited, as are all of us, in speaking about this from a purely human perspective since I must think, feel and hypothesize from within the very vessel about which I’m trying to speculate on. But as one who admits to the authority of the Holy Scriptures (the Judeo-Christian Bible, as it were), I have a belief that informs me of the truth that yes indeed, it was certainly man’s free will in the Garden of Eden that has led to all kinds of chaotic, cosmos busting effects.

So, after all this dancing around the subject, suffice it to say that relationships can be volatile, unpredictable and irrational. I believe this is a statement that any married couple, and certainly many non-married couples, would affirm from their experience. Can you relate?